Why England Are Shit.

I am so sick of people simplifying the reasons why the England football team play so badly and never get anywhere in major tournaments. I might even phone up 5 live! There are a mountain of reasons why our national football team is so shit. The following are in no particular order and there are probably loads more, each one contributing in a greater or lesser way to our nation's rubbish performance at national level.

Most PE teachers do not have clue about football. Hardly any have football as their first sport and a huge amount, even those coaching the school team don't teach basic skills. Seeing a set of cones out in a PE lessons is a rarity. The school team is picked to win. Size and speed matters. Kick and run works. Children that hold the ball and dribble are screamed at to pass. This win with shit tactics model runs through many Saturday and Sunday teams. You never hear a sideline comment like - "keep the ball, take on some players." It is always "get rid," "pass it." "Stop hogging the fucking ball!"

This Neanderthal approach means that skillful players have their spirits irreparably damaged. I wonder how much psychological damage is done when players such as Rooney at 6 years old are subjected to abuse and criticism from the sidelines of weekend games. I am sure this why so many of our players "choke" on the international stage, away from the support mechanisms of their clubs. When things go well, they are fine. When the anxiety and pressure build that "choking" psychology stifles their ability. No manager can undo what was done while the player grew up. Of course not all players suffer this but there are enough to screw up any England team.

Yes, but what about the past? Players didn't choke in 1966. No because I suspect the levels of abuse were not nearly so vicious when they played as children, and they spent hours and hours playing football away from adults. I, like millions of kids played with my mates on huge playing fields, for days at a time from dawn til dusk, cycling home for lunch and my tea. 28 a-side, one against one, one player against the defence. You don't see that now. There is lots of football in my local park but the "jumpers for goalposts games" are often young adult men but for children it is only adult organised training and matches that last no longer than 2 hours at a time.

Today millions of acres of playing fields have been sold off and the hugely over blown, media scare mongering about paedophilia stop parents allowing their children out of their sight - and who can blame them? Knife-crime, mugging, paedos... "There you go Timmy, take your iphone and iplayer, pocket video game thing and £100 replica strip and go and play football in the park for 8 hours with your mates. I'll see you at teatime." Hmmm, a lot has changed. My Leeds strip was enhanced by the sock tags and badge my granny made me.

Then there is our climate, although we are changing that at the moment I believe (every cloud). The English game is fast and physical. It suits the long winter months of playing in cold conditions. Racing about like nutters, punt and run - keeps us warm. Spending hours in the blazing sun learning close ball control skills in our back gardens or street, doesn't really happen; running around like maniacs does. This has to have some degree of impact on the way English born and bred players learn the game, compared to players that come from warmer climes.

Oh and then there is the people running our game. How many were high performing sportsmen and women? How many of them are analytical and bright? How many of them are driven by money and power and not by a love of the game? There is a mentality in England about sport, and especially football, that is hard to define but it is conservative and resistant to change. About 10 years ago I watched Man Utd warm up during the game at Wimbledon when Beckham scored that goal. I was with a mate who was a basketball coach in Ireland. We couldn't believe the way the players warmed up. Doing things, such as bouncing on hamstrings, that had been dismissed by most other sports as wrong 20 years earlier. How long did it take football managers, coaches to look at diets, when every other sports team in the World knew it was important. Or when were plyometrics introduced to improve explosive performance? I hate to think what other bollocks, left over from the 1940s, is still peddled as the way to do things. Yes it has got a lot better in the last 10 years at the professional level, but at Junior coaching, I wonder.

Think I am wrong about the reluctance to change. Where are the Asian players in our English leagues? I have seen immensely skilled Asian kids playing in our parks - so why aren't there many more on our teles. I know for a fact that some racist dinosaurs think they spend too much time praying or eat too much rice. A bit like black kids couldn't play because it was too cold. Many of the people running the game are just too stupid and narrow minded to sort things out.

Where are the academies across the country that nurture talent and develop high level skills a healthy mental attitude towards the game. How many kids give up at 13 when the realise they are not going to be a super rich media star. Our out of control celebrity obsession is not doing us any favours in all sorts of areas and not just sport. I am scared by the amount of kids that say they want to be famous -not I want to play music, or football, or paint etc -just famous. Our celebrity and consumer driven culture that results in kids thinking it is all about what you own and how many column inches you fill is more important than anything else is disastrous.

Chuck all the above in with our media's favourite past time of build 'em up and then knock 'em down. Too many matches, played in a style that is so physically demanding. Too many foreign players in the top teams (although I am not sure about that, but it may be a factor) and we are screwed.

I know things have been done to try to put some of this right but not nearly enough. Will they ever be sorted? Well maybe, but not in the next 10 years. Maybe twenty. Maybe sitting in a pram wearing nappies is a boy who will hold up the world cup for England again and we will all know his name. Come on England.

What the Fuck?

This is mental and looks ridiculous. They could have at least given it a couple of fluffy feet? And they probably snipped his balls off years ago.

David Tredinnick!

Right, ever since this morning the name Tredinnick has been buzzing around in my head like an angry wasp in a jam jar. I heard him talking about some sort of research at the University of Texas supporting homeopathy and then Simon Singh giving him an intellectual bog wash. And then it sort of struck me- why the fuck did the Today Programme allow such a second rate buffoon onto the airwaves?

David Tredinnick is of course that Tory MP that claimed MP's expenses for astrology software - not astronomy but astrology! He has called scientist "racially prejudiced." I suspect, and am worried, that when he thinks of scientists he just sees a posh, white, middle class man in a white coat who looks a bit mental! He also took a £1000 bribe to ask a question in the House of Commons! So he is an all round doofus. Oh, he also went to Eton - what do they teach them there?

Anyway, he is convinced that Homeopathy works and he gets on the radio. How much longer do we even have to debate this bollocks? How many more times do we have to hear about the half baked trials, that trumpet they've proved it works, only to hear that they were massively flawed.

It is bad enough that the NHS peddled this quackery and spent tax payer's cash pushing it for a time! Even homeopaths changed tack a few years ago. When every real double-blind trial came up with nothing, they stopped saying it was just in the pills but in the whole treatment, the time the care the TLC - brilliant. So, it is listening, caring (which is good) and giving people pills you tell lies about - not so good! If morons want that, let them have it - but don't every dress those pills up as science. Like creationists, sure believe any old shit you like - but say it is science and you deserve to paraded round your home town with a feather stuck up your arse and the word twat tattooed on your forehead.

Why do I care? After all, on the one hand it is good that the health obsessed chattering classes waste their hard earned cash on rubbish. It also keeps them away from the NHS which is needed for people that are really ill. Obviously, they only rely on quack cures until they have something seriously wrong with them and then they are straight down to see the good old none "alternative" doctor. I care because it makes people stupid. It is just another form of mumbo jumbo that attempts to pass itself off as science. Whether it is crystals, homeopathy, reiki, psychics, creationists - I could go on, when they attempt to move from the crackpot fringe to the mainstream (usually to make money and pump up egos) it diminishes us all and takes up valuable time that could be used to discuss real science and enlighten us all.

I am no scientist but find it thrilling to try to understand the debates about dark matter and energy, quantum theory and genetics, etc. Why anyone would want to waste their time trying to prove homeopathy works or ghosts exist or that we can talk to the dead (yeah, that's another rant right there) when we don't even know what makes up most of the universe but are trying to find out WITH SCIENCE- is mental.

So Today Programme stop idiots like Tredinnick wasting our time. Talk to proper scientists and leave Tredninnick to spread is bollocks on quack TV or the Daily Mail.

Oh and this is great. James Randi explains homeopathy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWE1tH93G9U

Kick out the Scum!

The cap on housing benefit is a brilliant move and one that will really protect the poorest people in the county, because real poor people are nice. It is those scrounging, parasites living in mansions at our expense, that I hate. According to Campbell Rob,"The vast majority of housing benefit claimants are either pensioners, those with disabilities, people caring for a relative or hardworking people on low incomes," he works for Shelter, is probably a socialist and eats mung beans, so he would say that, wouldn't he?

Some old people might be living in little houses for tuppence ha'penny a week but I don't mind paying for them, it is those other fuckers I want kicked out onto the street. You know the ones, jamming up the supermarket checkout while they count out their pennies or the ones that are always in the doctors having there fat, swollen feet looked at. They are the ones claiming millions in benefits to live in huge bungalows by the sea, while they knit and watch Countdown and Cash in the Attic - greedy, wrinkly bastards!

People with disabilities and caring for a relative! "Oh, oh I can't work my back hurts and I am scared to go to work in case I get a blister. I need my wife at home to make me tea and jam sandwiches and all this space stops me getting claustrophobia!" Aaaaaghhhhh! Lazy, lazy, lazy! Get a job move into a smaller house and shut the fuck up!

Mr Osbourne you are my hero. By capping the housing benefit you will ensure we will find out who these malingerers and scroungers are, because they will be living on the streets and we can spit on them- as we merrily go to our jobs, you have protected. What makes it even better the majority of these scumbags will be living in London, where honest people have bought second homes and then charged perfectly reasonable market rents to local councils to help them house scum. Now the scum will be booted out - because landlords do not lower your rents! Once the filth is evicted lots of nice hard working people can move in. In one carefully crafted sentence Mr O, you have successful solved a problem that has been getting up my nose for a long time. I own my house as it was bought with the hard earned money that Mummy and Daddy gave me, so I will never have to beg the state to put a roof over my head - fair play parents. And now thank to you I won't have to live next to dole monkeys.

I love the budget because you give with one hand and snatch it back with the other. Hardworking people will be fine - we always are. But the parasitic filth that fills this country will get a right royal kicking. It will be great fun when I see a disabled or a pensioner laying in the street. I can make myself feel better by handing over a pound and then kicking them until they piss themselves.

Bollocks!

So much to write about so little time.

The budget - what do Clegg and Alexander think they look like, staring up Osbourne's arse. They are of course just following orders. Clegg like a nodding dog - is that some kind of twitch he has developed from endless hours licking Cameron's ahole? Alexander looked like he has been given a wedgie by the big boys while they called him ginger balls.

You can't blame the Tories, you expect them to be a bunch of cunts, but the Lib Dems, surely their credibility is completely shot through - please let this be the beginning of the end. I want to see them tear each other to shreds like angry foxes in a maternity ward. So VAT to 20% but no tax on fags and booze and a council tax freeze. Surely VAT rise cancels both those out? In fact what actually are the sums? Lovely to see them support the really poor as so many more will be joining them.

The best news is that such a budget threatens a double dip recession and the housing market must be buggered. With housing benefit limits what about all those buy to let landlords that rely on high housing benefit - and lots I expect voted Tory - every cloud and all that.

Never mind - the good news is that the campaign to get Frank Sidebottom in the charts is going well. I have linked up with the Facebook group and we will pool our resources. Trying to get the song sorted. Stuff to do with royalties, getting it on itunes and then making sure Cancer Research gets the cash.

I am off to burn some money.

Come on Lib Dem Fags - Rebel.

Today we will see if there is anything really behind the ConDem coalition. Nik Robinson has been told that Lib Dems have been through the budget "virtually line by line" to protect the poor, elderly and children. So that's alright then. If the Cleggster's boys are behind the budget we have nothing to fear. After all, they wouldn't sell out just to make the Tories happy, now would they?

I wonder how all those people feel, this morning, who voted for the Lib Dem to keep the Tories out. I bet you feel great - the boys from posh schools, piles of money and the aristocracy are in charge and deciding where the axe falls - Feeling chipper and proud of yourselves? Yes I know.

It is like feudal times. From their positions sitting on mountains of money and privilege they look down decide what we need and don't need. I wonder what it is like never to worry about paying a bill? How in a month of Sundays can someone Like David Cameron or George Osbourn empathise with that part of the population that has to worry about £50 here or there? They can't. If they lose their job they relax back onto a big chaise longue covered with with money and wait for the next one to come along. They don't lose their, house, car and family. They don't have to see the results of their own budget cuts in the food on the table for their families, or the electricity meter running out. Posh boys just cancel a holiday, get rid of a Range Rover or two or sack a member of staff.

Let's face it we are fucked - the rich twats are in charge again. "Oh but they've changed, this is the new politics!" Really? There s a high possibility we will be screwed twice by this budget First, the cuts themselves - god only know what effect they will have to our daily lives. Remember, public services rot from the inside out. By the time the general public notice that schools and hospitals are falling down it is way too late. Secondly, the cuts are very likely to stifle the recovery - so we get a double dip recession or even, if we are really lucky a depression. Good news all round, then.

So please Lib Dems - if this budget shocks you and goes against all those principals you droned on about during the election have the balls to stand up and say "enough!" Stop letting the posh boys (and it is boys, white middle class boys) use you like fags (public school "fags" for anyone who is a little confused). Let's see what this coalitioin is really all about. Now we just wait.

MakeFrank1

Tragic news today about the collapse and death of Frank Sidebottom and of course Chris Sievey. I have many happy memories crying with laughter at Frank and Little Frank - Ziggy Ziggy Sputnik - Love Missile, "shoot it up" and Material Girl/Boy! I could go on - Genius.

So let's make him number one. Not only would it be a brilliant way to remember a great British comedy talent, but also a way to stick two fingers up at the music industry and mock the whole business - very much in the way Frank did.

All you have to do is follow MakeFrank1 on Twitter and wait. Once we have enough followers adn access to either his World Cup single "Three Shirts on my Line" or another named track MakeFrank1 will instruct you to buy, buy, buy. You know the rest. MakeFrank1, will link up with the Facebook group going for the same thing and raise money for Cancer Research, if we can.. but we will let you know the details.

I Predict a Bloodbath!

Foxes are going mental - attacking our children, bins and chickens. This is another legacy left over from the last Labour government. They let them breed like rabbits (sort of) and now they are ruling our streets. I saw one walking down my street only two nights ago. It looked like it was searching for some open patio doors and some unguarded under 5s - the fucker. I heard of one that actually climbed over a garden fence, just to get into a neighbours garden! If you let them think they can do what they like they will behave like wild animals! Jesus H Christ on a bike - the world has gone mad! Next they will be pissing and shitting in the streets! If we don't take action now and bring in legislation to curb this revolution, it will be too late.

I suggest killing them, all of them. We need to get behind our fox killers. Foxes need to have their little foxy bains smashed out with anything and everything we can lay our hands on. We need to rip out their garbage filled gizzards and celebrate by smearing the blood over our children's faces. Let's have fox culls. We could get every inbred, chinless wonder to get a horse and ride about a bit, just like a complete tit, wearing bright red jackets, supported by lots of dogs. They could hunt down these vicious predators and give them a short, sharp shock!

I just can't imagine why no one has thought of this before. Come on England, where is your spirit? Foxes are laughing at you. They want your children, gardens and garbage! They threaten our very way of life. Bring back hunting and while you are at it crows are a bunch of cunts too. I saw one looking at me a bit funny yesterday.

Cameron You are a Disgrace!

Comparing today's professional army with the people that fought two World Wars is disgraceful. You need to read up on your history Davey boy- what the fuck did they teach you at Eton?

No one can argue that today's troops face a tough time, but compared to the situations in 1914-18 and 1939-45 they have it reasonably easy. Yes, I know troops are dying which is terrible. However, today's army are not facing anything like the statistical chance of death and mutilation that the forces faced in the two World Wars - on any side or on anything like the scale. Just look at the War Memorials in every village and town. Also don't forget today's troops signed up for the army as a career choice (yes maybe not a huge choice for some but a choice none-the-less). But comparing fighting the Taliban to storming the beaches at Normandy and then fighting to Berlin, or facing horrendous odds flying endless raids over enemy airspace is no comparison at all.

Let's just imagine or a terrible moment, the body bags from the first day of the battle of the Somme turning up at Dover, if the bodies could be found, or having to read out the names of dead aircrew every morning. Hmmm, not quite the same, is it?

So Mr Cameron before you cast yourself as some twisted version of the bastard child of Vera Lynn and Churchill, in an attempt to appeal to the jingoistic ming-mongs that think recent campaigns are somehow akin to fighting for freedom or the country's very survival - think again.

It is disgraceful that you are trying to foster some kind of "blitz" spirit on the backs of dead soldiers and their suffering families, in order to fuck everyone over with budget cuts. Don't think that people are too stupid to link the two, or realise just how pathetic and revolting your call to back the troops, like we did in two World Wars, really is. You nasty ignorant little man, just look out of your window... where are the troop trains? Where are the clouds of bombers crossing our skies? Where are the endless streams of telegrams announcing the death of a loved one? Using such awful memories to get backing for y0ur ill coneived and destructive policies is repugnant. You should be ashamed of yourself and apolopgise to the few people that are left who lived through very different times.

They Just Can't Cope.

They just can't cope. The game against Algeria was appalling and probably the worst game I have seen for a very long time. Something had happened before the game. They were like a family that had had a massive barney and were not talking. Every player looked like they didn't want to be there, and who could blame them?

Maybe we will never know the whole story. Each person will have interpreted the situation in a different way. However, something is rotten in the camp and I expect it is to do with Capello's management style and the England players' inability to be flexible and go along with the regime.

Capello appears to be a micro manager, which ultimately encorages people to behave like children. If you are told, what to eat, when to go to bed, how to walk, talk, play and think, sooner or later you start to resent it. Eventually, someone will explode and confront the manager. Suddenly other players start to see the flaws in the plan and start rebelling as well. The team is then doomed. Factions develop and any team spirit is gone. Then the game is up, everyone realises the manager has lost respect and control. At this point the micro manager's default position is to control even more as he feels his control slipping, which obviously makes things much worse and fuels the rebellion- the result- last night.

Of course the players are also to blame. They don't have the capacity to be flexible and see the bigger picture. Some of them are so spoilt and used to being managed in a particular way they see any other method as an affront. They are asked to play out of position, they are away from their support mechanisms and they are surrounded by people they don't know. They also miss the status they enjoy at club level. Then put them under the media spotlight at a high pressure tournament and the result is disaster. Yes they are professionals but put any group of professionals in such a situation with a micro manager and when things go a little wrong, the result will be the same.

Of course, if you don't micro manage a group of such fevered egos you may as well try to herd cats and hope it all falls into place on the night. The only real solution is to find a manager that has the respect, management and leadership style and tactical know how to get the best out of such a mixed group of players. And of course to be World beaters the team need to be greater than the sum of their parts. Ultimately, you need players that can be flexible and cope with the English set up. You also need enough mature experienced players to support the young flare players. So almost impossible really. Put this in the mix with: the English attitude to sport; grassroots training and education; the media; the wages; the wags; too many foreign players in the Premiership; too many matches; the climate; style of English play; the size of the population; I could go on - let's face it, we are fucked.

The only way we will ever win the world cup again is if we get most of this sorted and then have a mountain of luck. We will nearly always get out of the group stages and to the quarter finals and occasionally we won't.

Why can other countries do it over and over again? Easy, they are better and different. They also have their problems but just deal with them more successfully. Let's face it most of the the people involved in football are not particularly bright - just listen to the pundits! Most sports reporters and journalists, who endlessly spew out their often limited opinions, usually focusing on one or two aspects of the problem, have never done sport to a high level and are better at writing than running about. Most of them, I would imagine, were not the first people picked at school in PE lessons, so how can they really understand what it is like to perform at any level?

What can we do? - Nothing. Suffer until by accident it will all come good - in a sort of monkeys and typewriters kind of way.

Fuck it I am off to the park for a coffee. I have depressed myself... Hey there is always Wednesday when England will be great again - won't they? This is not how I imagined it.

Vets are a bunch of Cunts!

My family might come from Norfolk, but my mum does not and she is no fool. After my rant about people paying shed loads of money to have pets treated for everything from bad breath to cancer fate comes knocking.

My parents elderly dog has been a tad under the weather lately. She hasn't fancied her food, or her daily walks. She hasn't even barked like a mo-fo at cyclists. So my Mum took her to the vet. Unfortunately, she as a ton of serious shit wrong with her, according to the vet who charged Mum £400 to do a couple of tests and give her some pills. It could be lymphatic cancer, a problem with her kidneys, or a few other life threatening illnesses! But no worries, because there are loads more tests they can do, including cutting the dog open to have a look about a bit. Then there is the possibility of years of treatment, even Chemo therapy that can be offered but obviously at a price. A fucking enormous price stretching into thousands of pounds and of course the dog might still die - no shit Sherlock the dog is 18!

However, if offering such treatment isn't fucked up enough the vet quietly asked my sister, who had gone with my mum, what the limit was on the dog's veterinary insurance!!!! What a cunt. I wonder why? So they could spend the lot doing endless tests, raising my mum's hopes and putting the dog through an exploratory operation to then either fleece my parents out of a ton of cash that they don't have, or put the dog down! Fuckers - how morally bankrupt? They don't care about the animal or the owner, they just want to tit about and charge bundles of cash for it.

So, what has Mum decided to do. Well, the pills the vet has given the dog seem to have perked her up and she is eating and skipping about. She even went ape shit at a cyclist. My parents will monitor her and if the pills don't work (as they are treating a possible infection from a tick bite) and the pup has cancer, she will be put down. The dog hates the vet even more than me, so I hope she sinks her teeth into the fucker just before she slips away and her last dream is catching an elusive cyclist and getting a mouthful of fat arse and lycra.

Television the drug of the Nation.

I hate television. There, I have said it. 99% of it is shit. I only have freeserve and there is hardly ever anything worth watching. I just saw a few minutes of The 5 O'clock Show - what a fucking car crash. An ex Eastender interviewing another ex Eastender and Rufus hound tasting baby food. Fucking amazing! What lazy fuckwits thought that up. What was the production meeting like? "Any ideas?"
"No."

Who watches this shit? The Weakest Link! They almost tell you the answers and Anne Robinson's Shtick is wearing slightly thin. Why doesn't someone tell her to go fuck herself and then attack her with a chair, smashing her smug, cosmetically enhanced puss into a bloody pulp. She can be put back together each week with a bucket of botox and some old skin from her neck.

Then we get the news where we get to hear the opinions of morons in the street. "How do you feel after seeing those puppies and children slaughtered?"
"I am a tad upset to be honest." FUCK OFF!

Hmmmm, blogging - better than therapy. Calm, Calm, Calm.

What is the Point?

Well, it was 1-1 against the U.S.A. and I went to bed feeling fed up and stupid. I knew they would be average but hoped and hoped for so much more. Which, of course, was a waste of time. They will make it to the quarter finals, with a bit of luck, and then lose it under pressure; a sending off, a nervous blunder or both. Then there could be penalties. I am considering not watching anymore matches as it seems to be a form of self harm or abuse - like wanking to porn.

Everything tells me it will end in tears and a right royal cock up - but there is just a chance I will witness greatness, a moment that will stay with me for the rest of my life when - we beat the Germans on penalties and come back from 2-0 down in the final to score 3 against Spain in the last 7 minutes, driven by passion, grit and determination. The whole country will rejoice, children will all smile, dogs will run down streets dragging juicy chains of sausages, old men will throw their hats in the air and do little dances, old ladies will show their bloomers, everyone will talk to strangers, church bells will ring and the sun will shine for weeks. You see... pathetic. That is not going to happen. We will just be left with a spunk stain and an empty feeling.

Or will we?

Posh Ladies.

Two old posh ladies on the tube yesterday discussing cats. Nothing wrong with that? Or was there? They were discussing a neighbour's cat and a fight it had had. Hey, we all like a good cat fight, all teeth, claws and fluffing. But this fight was a posh fight, as apparently one cat was more to blame than the other. Like any good cat fight, one cat lost and had been quite fucked over by the other. The twist in the tail is that, according to one posh lady, the duffed up cat had started it, as someone had seen it looking at the other cat in a "threatening manner" before the fight! Fuck me! And therefore, the owner of the winning cat does not have a moral obligation to pay the vet's bill of the mullered cat.

They are cats! They eat mice and food from cans,they shit in the garden, torture wildlife, fuck and fight! That's what they do! They are animals! As for modern vet's charging a pile of cash to stick a thermometer up a cat's arse and look worried, they can fuck off and die. Am I getting annoyed over nothing? No! I grew up on a farm where we killed everything when it got really sick, or even a little sick. We cried when we fell over as we knew if we had a broken leg my Granddad would put us in a sack and throw it in the pond. The idea of treating a cat with cancer or putting wheels on a fucked dog is mental and just another way of extracting money from fools.... second thoughts, bring it on. Charge an arm and leg for pills for Tiddles, anyone dumb enough to part with their cash for what essentially is a fluffy bag of guts does not deserve to keep their money. Good morning, I feel better now.

I love Willesden Green.

It's in zone 2 and has a great little park with a cool coffee shop. I know lots of my neighbours. It's sort of very civilsed. But what makes it brilliant is you can still see pissed blokes in the street at 11am and they haven't been clubbing. There are too many shit fast food shops for drunks and the munchies but also a posh Sainsbury's local and Japanese restaurant.

I just walked to the tube and saw two people talking to themselves, with actions, a massive fatty, fat-fat woman, two yooves smoking a spliff and someone calling a traffic warden a cunt! Home sweet home. It's never quite gentrified and that's what great.

Big Brother again.

To complete my human centipede idea - on the last show Davina is attached to the back! I think that's justice- an eye for an eye sort of justice.

Big Brother

As usual, I won't be watching BB as it just makes me want to beat people to death with a sack full of broken glass and kittens. Maybe they should just starve them until they kill and eat each other. Or pump raw sewage into the house so the short ones drown first... now I would watch that. But better still... don't vote them off, vote them onto one long human centipede. How great would that be? A slowly growing centipede crawling round the house. Maybe the winner could be at the front so they could be interviewed. Feed them!!! Now that is television!

Here We Go Again!

World Cup, hmmm, I just don't feel anything this time. Too many disappointments, missed penalties, sendings off, injuries, and fuck ups. England don't stand a cat in hell's chance of doing much more than getting out of their group as usual. I can't face getting excited and full of hope only to be gutted all over again. Being an England fan is like going back to a wife, that has already cuckolded you four or five times, as you think she's changed and then she fucks your next door neighbour in front of the entire street, just as you come home from work. She then boots you out of your own house, knocks through to make one big fuck off house with your neighbour and you end up living in the garden shed with a flag flying over it saying "Twat."

But I'll be watching on Friday and after one goal I will believe... well I hope I will.

For Fuck's Sake.

Staffroom lunchtime chats up to usual standard, mostly moans about neighbours. I think I'll introduce "The Human Centepede"?

Mrs Thatcher.

Good to see Maggie is still clinging to life, just long enough for the Tories to fuck the health system and slash public sector pensions. What perfect justice it would be if as a frail, poor old women she spends her last days, soaked in her own piss, in a crumbling care home eating custard. Hey, and just think, Norman Tebbit may well be sitting next to her. Stay alive Maggie, you were always so caring and kind to the poor and frail.

In bed again before ten!

In bed again before ten. Radio 4 burbling in the background, which will undoubtedly cause many typos in this blog entry. A half decent day considering I was at work. The rain washed the bird shit off my car, the conversations in the staffroom were not as painful as usual and the tadpoles are growing legs. So I am counting my blessing.

I also enjoyed watching Danny Alexander stutter and splutter his way through a Channel 4 interview with John Snow. Alastair Campbell tweeted he needed "media training" but I just wanted to watch a Malcolm Tucker type kicking his ginger bollocks out of his mouth. How are these people in charge of anything?

Mobile Blogging?

So now I have another reason to stare at my iPhone like a wet lipped, brain dead, zombie when I am out. Hmmmm, maybe I shouldn't feel so smug?

Mobile Blog.

So has this worked?

Mumford and Sons! They're rubbish!

Why oh why did I buy this shit? I was pissed, in bed on my laptop and wanted to get some new music. Forgot I ordered it and it just turned up from Amazon and boy does it suck. I can't bare the drum sound for starters and it is down hill from there. What was I thinking? I remember playing a track through my laptop speakers and thinking, "this sounds interesting" Wong! It hurts my ears. Is it a grower? No. I am not even going to try. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Warning, buying stuff on the internet when pissed is not a good idea.

Coffee.

Just had coffee with Wilma in Clerkenwell. We had a mutual rant about how we hate people that are into "alternative" medicine - like homeopathy! Then slagged off a few other people and ejoyed our coffee... perfect.

Sorted.

Right, that is the blog started. Hmmm not sure if it was a good idea. Time will tell.

Good Morning Blogosphere!

Left Norfolk about 30 yeas ago as couldn't face fucking my sister, living near chinless fuckwits with posh Tory teeth or inbred ming mongs in need of a banjo or two.

Mondays

I don't work on Mondays as I can't be bothered to get out of bed. Now I lay in under my duvet, listening to radio 4 and then I pop out for a coffee or two - which feels great. No more Monday morning blues for me - can't put a price on it. Screw the money, I would only spend it on crack whores and porn.