I don't listen to Chris Moyles as he is a complete cunt. The fact that he thinks ripping off more talented American jocks, with his -let's chat to the crew bollocks and then surrounds himself with sycophantic dick wads is proof he sucks the big one. Complaining that he has not been paid by the Beeb is another reason.
Thursday 23 September 2010
Poor old Chris Moyles!
I don't listen to Chris Moyles as he is a complete cunt. The fact that he thinks ripping off more talented American jocks, with his -let's chat to the crew bollocks and then surrounds himself with sycophantic dick wads is proof he sucks the big one. Complaining that he has not been paid by the Beeb is another reason.
Monday 20 September 2010
Porn Star Umpa Lumpas!
You fucking morons- injecting yourselves in order to get a tan. At least grow a pair and choose smack! How, fucking stupid and vain do you have to be? Anyone, dumb enough to buy into today's beauty myth deserves everything they get. It's a shame the jabs didn't turn you purple and make your eyes explode... even then some window licker would've continued to take the stuff, convinced by the bollocks on the packet.
On the tube the other day there was a 20 something woman, caked in slap, false eyelashes - three inches long, a trout pout, enormous tits and completely orange, like a porn star Umpa-Lumpa. What the fuck is going on it her chemically saturated brain? I have no idea if she'd had surgery' but if you told me she had - I'd guess.... lobotomy!
Plastic surgery - as fashion? For fuck's sake. The one sure thing about life is that the moment we're born we're going to die. If we are lucky we will get old and then die. Some of us will turn into basket cases, sitting in our own filth and sucking our food through a straw, but get old we will. Lots of us will go a bit wrinkly, forget everything other than where the cake is and then have our hearts explode, but one way or another it will happen - so get over it. Enjoy everything thing life has to offer and stop bending over to be arse-fucked by every new "must have" consumer train wreck.
I can understand and fully support plastic surgery for people who are seriously disfigured or affected by an abnormality - yeah, an enormous conk and jumbo lugs count. If your life is being made a misery because you look like a freak and people roar with laughter and point at you as if you were the Elephant man, whenever you walk into a room - you probably need to have a few bits trimmed up here and there. But if you are deluded enough to think that enormous tits will solve your problems you are a fuckwit. Now, being a fuckwit is much more likely to be the cause of your low self-esteem than the diminutive size of your jugs - so maybe read a book or two -you mong. Having your baps inflated to the size of two medium sized space hoppers is going to make you look like.... Jody Marsh, and convince everyone that you have a donut for a brain. Men, who give you attention because you have been "cosmetically enhanced" are probably not going to respect your opinions on anything apart from dogging.
At what point did women wake up and say, "look here, in the battle for equality we need enormous hooters - they will definitely get us equal pay." Of course no woman did. Men came up with the idea. "What do we like? Titties, big old titties! And money, lots of money -- now let's have a thunk." Then all they needed to do was find some female pond-life to go along with them and have her chest expanded and next turn the concept loose in fashion and celebrity consumer culture. Bingo, rake in the cash, you've created a whole new industry. An industry that: has convinced everyone it's self empowering; is letting women take control; is a lifestyle choice just like benefits and tax evasion.
Then you also get to sell lots of papers when someone ends up looking like a duck (Lesley Ash, again). The total lack of imagination it must take to decide to inject your lips with monkey spunk or whatever, is mind boggling. Isn't there enough shit to shovel into the back of your car in Westfield Shopping Centre, without resorting to making your face look like you blew a wasp? Have you seen Brit Ekland wearing glasses lately- Dick Emery in drag or what?
Like cosmetics, before the surgery part, this stuff was predominantly aimed at women but men are just as vain and easily parted from their cash for bollocks (probably quite literally). It started in
Do they do cock extensions?
Monday 13 September 2010
Got a 4x4? You Wanker!
If you own a 4x4 you are a twat. There is just no argument. The simple truth is that you own one because you are an unimaginative, fucktard that is incapable of making a simple decision for yourself. "Do I want to look like a cunt? No, then I am not going to buy that 4x4." Such a simple conclusion is over powered in your excuse for a brain by some Jeremy Clarkson, car mag bullshit that tells you that you're safer in a 4x4 in a crash. Don't fucking crash, you moron. "Oooh, oooh, I am protecting my family," why, they will only grow up to be as bigger jerk off as you? The sooner they are gravy, guts and mincemeat all over your twatty leather upholstery the better. And remember while you are "protecting" your muling brood of pond life you are putting everyone else's family and friends at the mercy of your oversize clunge mobile, probably crushing them as you try to park. Or, maybe you think you will look cool, what like a farmer - for fuck sake? I grew up in the country and believe me, farmers are not cool. Most can only tell shit from shinola by the taste.
Monday 6 September 2010
Look at his Little Face.
Look at his little face - like a retarded Shrek, whose lollipop has been stolen. How can anyone be surprised that he has fucked someone other than his wife? I wonder how many multi-millionaire, twenty something, men wouldn’t play “hide the sausage” with legions of willing women, given half a chance?
Yeah, yeah, he (or someone) made a point of branding him as a family man so he could reap the cash rewards of being a media personality/sportsman. That was his idea, I am sure. You can just imagine him in a meeting saying something like – “I feel the Rooney brand should centre on family values, let’s build on the idea that this man married his childhood sweetheart and not some gold digging ming mong. Our Wayne Rooney is keeping it real, yar.” Men, like our Wayne, are children, and often not very bright children. They are sweet toothed buffoons with a key to the candy store. So please don't be surprised or morally outraged when they gorge on cheap confectionery.
They are oil that lubricates the lifestyle/branding/celebrity/shit-storm we buy into. Footballers are rich pickings for personal managers and the PR industry. No self-respecting manager is going to fail to point out the financial rewards of marrying a "Wag", if only for selling the wedding photos to “Hello” magazine. I wonder how much easier it is to sell a married image to sponsors than a playboy, fuck machine? Oh yeah, Wayne loses millions in various divorce settlements, but look on the bright side, it'll help sell shed loads of one or more of his "autobiographies!" I doubt agents and managers lose much sleep, I don't see them looking after Gazza as he tailspins into a morass of mental illness, debt and boozing. And who can blame them for exploiting a humungous cash cow we have created? If we are willing to idolise these "celebrities," pay them a fortune and invest emotionally every time they toss themselves off maybe we are the shallow idiots who should get our lives in order before we judge. Let's face it most footballers are all washed up at 35. Their earning potential is either hugely diminished or completely gone by 40, so if they don't want to end up running a pub they better claw in the cash while they can. The other problem is they are also only going to have the "jet-set" lifestyle for a short time, they need to get the high quality, spit-roasting done because the offers will start to dry up when they are only opening the local "Spangles" nightclub with fucked knees.
We laugh at the inbred fucktards on Jeremy Kyle, who rut like wild dogs with everybody within a 3 mile radius of their sordid little middens, but are then surprised that the boy or girl that lived next door, who now has a mountain of wonga because they are good at kicking a bag of air, fucks people who have all their teeth and can wear clothes that don't have elasticated waistbands. I am more surprised when they don't go champagne drinking, drug taking, cum spraying crazy. What would it take, apart from a complete lack of imagination, not try some of the treats on offer, for a limited time only, especially in our world of instant gratification? So they got married, to a poor innocent, fashion obsessed, stick insect - does anyone really care?
Feeling sorry for someone like Colleen is bollocks. She and the other Wags must have an idea that being able to shop until their feet bleed and an access all areas pass to China Whites comes with a high price tag. They buy into the whole youth equals beauty bullshit and surely even they realise that the surgeon's knife can only slow time down a little. Once they look a little less like a box fresh Barbie what chance do they stand? Screwed (or not) by the very revolting values they worship. It is like women who marry rock stars - they must know their husbands are going to hump groupies by the articulated lorry full - unless of course they marry Charlie Watts (in his 60s).