If you own a 4x4 you are a twat. There is just no argument. The simple truth is that you own one because you are an unimaginative, fucktard that is incapable of making a simple decision for yourself. "Do I want to look like a cunt? No, then I am not going to buy that 4x4." Such a simple conclusion is over powered in your excuse for a brain by some Jeremy Clarkson, car mag bullshit that tells you that you're safer in a 4x4 in a crash. Don't fucking crash, you moron. "Oooh, oooh, I am protecting my family," why, they will only grow up to be as bigger jerk off as you? The sooner they are gravy, guts and mincemeat all over your twatty leather upholstery the better. And remember while you are "protecting" your muling brood of pond life you are putting everyone else's family and friends at the mercy of your oversize clunge mobile, probably crushing them as you try to park. Or, maybe you think you will look cool, what like a farmer - for fuck sake? I grew up in the country and believe me, farmers are not cool. Most can only tell shit from shinola by the taste.
"But, famous people drive them," I hear you bleat. If you want to be like Kerry Kertona or Dappy from N'Dubz (not sure if he can drive as he doesn't seem able to keep his trousers up - granddad) just stick your brain in a blender with some bottom dwelling Crustacea from Iceland foods and press the liquidise button. Then get a 3rd rate television crew to make a documentary about your pointless existence and let them film you having a shit.
Why not save your money and the planet or is that asking a little too much? How much fuel do you need to burn taking your spoilt brats to school? Make the little fuckers walk, are you afraid they might talk to "poor people," or normal kids who will point out very clearly, and probably with hand signals, what a first class wank champion you really are?
Of course the other excuse is, "I spend a lot of time in the country and you really need one for getting about these parts." Fuck off, last time I was in the country I noticed they had lots and lots of roads, including some very narrow ones that are already jammed up with farmers driving tractors and shit, they really need more oversized cunt mobiles. I grew up in country and learned to drive racing a knackered Ford Anglia round a muddy field. Off roading is a piece of piss if you use the peddles and gears. Hey, you can even run over you mates' bikes and be back home in time for tea, if you are any good. So just learn to drive you dick wads or better still kill yourselves.
Thank you.
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