Phil Collins is a Talentless Twat.

I was never a Genesis fan, even the stuff they did with Peter Gabriel was shit. Gabs saw the writing on the wall and left – smart move. (Although he asked Collins to help him with his solo stuff, I believe? Maybe not so clever after all?) Then we had the Phil Collins’ Genesis era, which clearly shows the lack of musical integrity of the other members of the band, when they take their less than competent drummer and hand him a microphone. Was it to stop him drumming or give us something to laugh at, or both?

Now if Mr Collins had left us alone and only bothered the beardy wankers with his substandard prog rock cluster wank I would not be writing this. But he chose to do a number of things that just scream “I am a twat and I am here to prove it!”

So where do I start, his solo career? There was a lot of rubbish music in the eighties as in all decades, but Collins sucked the big one. I can’t be arsed to explain why his recordings are so bad but “In the Air Tonight” deserves special mention. Its double, if not treble, tracked whining vocals skating over the top of an insipid synth soundscape, with intermittent big splash drums is aural sewage. The lyrics are bad teenage poetry and they are being sung by someone who looks and sounds like your dad singing with his headphones on. Anyone, under 40 who bought that record should have their stereo smashed to pieces with a hammer. They should also be made to listen to the Collins version of “You Can’t Hurry Love” forever until they chew their own bollocks off. And what the fuck was the point of that recording? For a man that claims to love Motown, pissing all over a classic is a funny way of showing it. If that is not bad enough he has just recorded an album of Motown and Soul “classics”, using the Funk Brothers, so at least we don’t have to listen to him playing the drums or any of his self penned, shit awful songs. But don’t worry, for a man that told Levi Stubbs how to sing “Going Loco Down in Acapulco” (enough on its own for twat status) he is bound to have got the Funk Brothers playing to a click track and put gated reverb on everything – brilliant!

Then there was Live Aid with Led Zeppelin. How embarrassing. Talk about not knowing your limitations. The arrogance of the man! I think that Page invited him against the advice of the others. They must have got Tony Thompson to play the drums properly. A monkey or a man in a gorilla suit could’ve played Collins’ parts. I hope he still wakes up in a sweat screaming about that one. Concord crashed in a ball of flames a few years too late as far as I am concerned.

Both the Zeppelin incident and “You Can’t Hurry Love” clearly illustrate that he has no musical taste or understanding. Bonham’s drumming was Led Zeppelin, without him, or someone playing like him they are not Led Zeppelin. Collins cannot have understood this or was too full of his own self importance to step away. He either is stupid or has no shame, but probably both. As for you “Can’t Hurry Love” - well the genius of Motown is in the melody, vocal performances, the arrangements, the musicians and the recording methods. Take everything away and add nothing – there is no point and no artistic merit to the cover – the behaviour of a twat.

Then there was “Nonce Sense” on Brass Eye, setting him up must have been like shooting rats, or Dr Fox in a barrel. It played right into his Daily Mail sensibilities – it is a shame Chris Morris didn’t convince him to put a gun in his mouth and pull the trigger….

Yes I know he made lots of money and has been successful, and sampled, blah, blah, blah but selling records was never the mark of being a good artist… Jedwood? You see, it’s easy.